Separately, they don't seem related: Tony LaRussa, Dave Duncan, John Smoltz, Bronson Arroyo, allegedly doctored baseballs, clubhouse attendants and getaway day. You have to be a little devious to connect the dots, so I have taken it upon myself to do just that for you.
Smoltz was getting worked over like a prison snitch on a chilly, dank Wednesday night at Great American Ballpark. The aging ace was in a snit having given up 2 runs in the 2nd inning, whereupon he decided it was the baseball’s fault.
He repeatedly threw 'unsuitable' spheroids to the Reds dugout fence. He said afterward, he'd never felt such slick, uncontrollable balls (his words) since he's been in the Major Leagues.
Bronson Arroyo said they were fine. But then again he doesn't like overuse of the mud clubhouse attendants rub the balls with to lessen their sheen.
Smoltz, trying to eke out another season, walked five Reds batters in the course of 4 innings and gave up a grand slam home run in the third to Laynce Nix, Cincinnati taking a 6-0 lead.
With that, Tony LaRussa, one of the games great over-thinkers and his pitching coach Dave Duncan, joined Smoltz' hissy fit. They contended that Arroyo was getting a workable grip on the ball because of pine tar on the bill of his hat.
Bronson claims it was simply dirt that accumulated over several months. Gross but not sticky. Dick Pole, the Reds pitching coach, noted that the Cardinals pitches who followed Smoltz to the mound, didn't have any problems, so maybe they too were doctoring the balls. No one would have the temerity to suggest Smoltz has lost it.
Especially LaRussa who did some sleuthing of his own Wednesday. He showed two of the discarded balls to the clubhouse attendant, who agreed they were not the ones he prepared, that the mud had been removed. LaRussa, according to the Enquirers John Fay blurted "I knew they were up to shenanigans. I appreciate you saying that."
Bringing us to getaway day and the time honored ritual of tipping the clubhouse attendant for service during a series or in this case the season. Tony LaRussa is widely regarded as one of the most generous tippers in the Major Leagues. At restaurants, bars, with doormen. He spreads it around.
Mindful of that, is a clubhouse attendant, who augments a meager salary with tips, going to bite the hand that literally and figuratively feeds him?
"No Tony, those are the same balls that we mudded last night before the game. John Smoltz is over the hill. I'll understand if you choose to stiff me."
Or is he going to claim his $500 or so, go along with Tony's paranoia and let John Smoltz labor under the misguided perception that he still has it?
Just think of the fun we'll have next season.
